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Entries in chance and coincidence (2)

Tuesday
Jan262010

Stranger on the platform

Sometimes things happen that simply don’t make quite enough sense.

There was no need for anyone to talk to me as I stood in the queue, hoping to change my first class ticket from London to Brussels for an earlier train.  As I explained to the woman at the desk, I was more than happy to sit in second class, if that meant I could get home forty minutes earlier than planned.

If you can measure the quality of time in hugs, smiles and conversation about things that matter, then this weekend had been a good one.  But now it was over.  I was tired and keen to return home, having spent all my love and energy in the company of my ‘London kids’. 

A man stood in line behind me.  I am not sure when he had joined the queue or quite how the conversation got started, but as I waited for the woman to return with my new ticket we began to talk. 

To be honest, I was only half listening, so did not quite catch the name of the Caribbean island from which he was returning or the exact nature of the project in which he was involved over there.  Neither did I ask him to repeat this information, as I simply assumed that this forty-something, well dressed man with a strong Dutch accent was just being polite -  passing the time of day before it was his turn to be at the front of the queue.

The woman at the desk called me over and handed me my new ticket.  But as I turned to leave, the man in line approached me again.  He clearly wanted to keep the conversation going.

‘I believe we have met for a reason,’ he started to say.  ‘I have a very strong feeling about who you are and believe that we have an opportunity together to make a difference.  You are a good man, with a good heart.  You are a good dad, trying to do your best for your children.  I see that in you.  I feel that very strongly about you.’

Taller than me, I looked up at this stranger who, for whatever reason, had chosen to speak with unusual candor and intent.

If only you knew, I thought to myself.  If only you knew how complicated it feels to be anything close to ‘good’ when it comes to being a dad these days.  If only you knew how many times I have stood in this very station, at this very platform, caught in the middle distance between children in two countries. 

Despite the awkwardness, there was a warmth in his voice that I found hard to explain.  Why me?  Why now?  What did any of this mean?  My mind was full of questions.

Thanking him for his kindness, I explained that I needed to call my younger son back to resolve a technical difficulty that he was having with the new iPod he had just purchased.  

As we shook hands, he told me his name. 

John. 

Looking back as I passed through the security barrier, I noticed that the stranger on the platform was gone.  Perhaps I’ll never know what he wanted and, to be honest, I don’t really care.

It was just another fragment – a moment in time worth remembering.  All part of life’s unfolding and wonderfully enriching story.

Monday
Dec142009

A story I hope I'll never have to tell

You’ve heard it before, but life is a lot like a game of snakes and ladders. 

Roll the dice: you plod along, one step at a time.  Roll the dice again: you jump up a few levels, thanks to that helpful ladder.  Roll the dice a third time: just when you think you’ve made it, you land on a snake and drop back down to the bottom of the board.

Most of us who played this game as children determined, pretty quickly, that the trick was to avoid the snakes.  But then, who were we kidding?  Where is the skill in that?  I mean, in the end, it’s just a game of dice, isn’t it?  It’s all about probability, statistics and chance.

Like life itself.  And there are some pretty big snakes out there. 

Now is it just me, or do we all have our top five – those numbers we desperately want to avoid? 

1. Loss of a child, 2. Loss of a partner, 3. Debilitating accident, 4. Cancer, 5. Mental illness … 

To number them in this way feels artificial.  But the point is this: life’s a minefield and, even if you manage to negotiate your way successfully through the lower half of the board, the chances are, sooner or later, we are ‘gonna get got’ by one of these big guys.

Sooner or later.

And sadly, unlike other games, you can’t keep a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card in your back pocket for when that moment arrives (despite what modern day preachers sometimes promise).  Most of these venomous events in our lives pay no respect to who we are, how good we have been or what we have contributed to society along the way. 

A highly respected friend of mine, Scott Alcott, published a book this week.  He is just the kind of guy that, if anyone could, would know how to roll those dice in perfect combination and avoid the snakes.  But his story is one I am quietly hoping that I will never have to tell.

For my 40th birthday, I got stage four cancer. A small lump under my cheek turned out to be a rare, high-grade sarcoma. The doctor said I would need immediate surgery and a year of heavy radiation and chemotherapy, assuming I made it that long. I was told to “make arrangements”.

From page one, I found myself gripped by this personal account of coping with and continuing to survive cancer.  Page after page, I found myself to be a curious onlooker – intrigued by the details and moved by the emotion held within this well-told tale.

I read the entire book in almost one sitting, but would sometimes stop and wonder to myself: ‘But what if this was me?  After all, the Scott I know is a man that appears to have it all – including the resilience to beat this thing.  Would I have what it takes?’

Scott makes the same point, comparing his journey of recovery to the now legendary return of Lance Armstrong: a man who overcame all the odds to not only survive a deadly snake, but in effect turn the bugger into a ladder – going on to win the Tour de France seven consecutive times!

I guess that none of us feel we’re going to be strong enough until it is our turn.

To change the subject just a little: have you ever noticed how thoughts (and ideas) come to us in clusters? 

It was only a couple of days ago that I found myself driving home from work – unaware, at the time, of Scott’s book – reflecting on the fact that I will turn 40 next birthday; thinking how lucky I am to have avoided major illness or tragedy in my life so far; wondering whether that means I am due for some pain any time soon.

Of course, life doesn’t work like that, does it?  Some people have all the luck, whilst others just keep hitting those snakes.  It’s all about chance.

Yes, everything is random, but nevertheless sometimes coincidences occur.

Scott’s story is not a tale I ever want to have to tell.  But if I do end up making it my own, I pray to God that I’ll approach it with something like the same resolve.

That’s all I can hope for right now as I continue to play the game and roll into the upper half of the board.

 

I’m Not Lance! A Cancer Experience and Survival Guide for Mere Mortals by Scott Alcott is available for purchase here.